these days..

worry

In my typical style, I panic if anybody takes notice.
Hence the uncharacteristic updates here, as I know nobody
is reading them...

..Panic is a constant state of mind for me at present..

This is the night before I install the paintings at the
church, having (half-heatedly) promoted the exhibition..
..I start well.. and then drift off..
(100 invitations printed.. but I think perhaps I should of
actually sent some of these out??!!)

I could worry myself to death about whether the typeface of
the titles is the correct point size..

Will the paintings speak for themselves? will they speak
loudly enough..

will anybody actually come see?

It will be what it will be...

..whatever that actually means..

1970's Polaroid Summer.

(For The Girl Least Likely To.)

Rehearsing my Choir

"Dreams in a Changing Landscape"

(Experiment IV;)

an exhibition of my work opens this weekend.
but.. this time instead of being in an art gallery
it will be held within a very beautiful church.

in the background,
the 'alteri chamber choir' will rehearse.

Hopefully, the choral sounds reflecting the
paintings, which, in turn, reflect our dreams
in this changing landscape.




Dreams in a Changing Landscape

Holy Innocents Church
Fallowfield, Manchester

Featuring a very special performance by
The Alteri Chamber Choir

Saturday 20th June, 3pm.

statement

It only took me two months to write the
following statement for the upcoming studio
brochure & exhibition...

..and I already had this statement, I only
changed the last sentence...

"My work is inspired by nature and the interaction of the mechanical and the man made element upon the landscape. Within my paintings, texture and surface is explored by using a variety of materials from traditional oil, and acrylic paint to the heavily layered and corroded use of metal and wire. My work presents an alternative view of this natural and chemical landscape and challenges pre-conceived beliefs in our own surroundings"

PS;

it's been nearly a year now,
so which thieving fucker stole
my background??

i've given you plenty chance to
return it..

legal action will now commence.

g&t

licking acid off my finger tips.
time for bed.

lets see what the light of morning
shines upon.

~ THE END ~ (I love you goodbye)

It was never going to be easy, well.. i knew that..!
the fight was long and hard, the wolf knew my weaknesses
and exploited them to the full..

i kept going away..

..but i kept coming back..

i could feel the layers of disquiet lifting.. pulling..
my head expanded and nearly blew..!!

but wolf, you lay wimpering..
..sitting looking pathetic..
in a pool of your own defeated piss..

i am no longer in fear of the wolf..

picking up where i left off (still i & ii) - i quickly
grabbed another canvas and painted the journey back home;
within the week i would be home at last!!

all the techniques i had learned along the way helped me
all i had to do was look up at the sky from the back of
my parents cortina & realise i always knew the world was
connected!

and i connected it!!

(Am I doing it?
Can I have it all now?)


i want to go home..


please?

hour of the wolf.

This hour is a long one, things can become a little strange.
s'okay tho' - I've been to(o) strange.

Set the bar high..

may as well say I won't see you until Rembrandt.

Oh fuck.

trap

"in a curious way what one is always hoping to do
is to paint the one picture that will annihilate all
the others, to concentrate everything into one painting" (Bacon)

Hit a chord with me recently having been 'stuck' with the one
same painting since November 2008..
..I'm still painting it..
it still isn't working...

'Sunday' said she knows alot of artists who spend vast amounts
of time absorbing things..
.. and to 'be kind to yourself'

I want to be kind to myself. It is good advice.

I have forgotten everything or dispensed with it all, replaced
it with confusion and stress.

With this comes 'clunky' paintings that don't work and refuse
to be anything.. because you don't have a 'hold on anything'

I don't watch TV, I don't read books, I don't have time to go
out drinking and having a laugh..
I'm very busy...
busy in my studio, trying to work out why everything is no good
and doesn't work anymore.
even if it did.. I wouldn't realise it.. or probably hate it.

This has been posted to remind myself that I am an idiot.

..and I do need to be reminded of that fact or else I will be
lost forever.

Factory update;

"These Days"
(acrylic & oil on canvas; & built on wooden painted frame)

Currently exhibited at the Turnpike Gallery.

9th May - 19th June 2009

(detail below)

diminished responsibilities

Avoidance is acceptance of these duties..
..but for all want and/or purpose I'm still here..
the factory still stands.. so to speak..

It has been the slowest start to the slowest movement
known to mankind.. thus far.. (!)



..I keep trying to push forwards but each push blunders
a new horrible mistake..

and back to avoidance..

played with a camera for a 101 days till that just about
pissed everybody off.. (distractions.. & slow motions)

but;

I keep coming back here to post some random nonsensically
worded jackshit..

so, I hope that everything is well.

The other day started at a bleary eyed 6am with two meetings
followed by a long overdue visit to the studio and another
meeting (much more inspired this one)
and I stumbled home after 10pm..
..with a package that had confused me most of the way home..

and then I remembered..
I have missed this world and now I miss the lady even more..

where have you gone?
..and when are you coming back..?


Nightshifts and paperclips abound...

nipples, erect, lip pink.

click.

Damien Hirst

So, is anybody else playing then?

One question released each day for
the next 20 days.

You have 24hrs to answer each question.

function; not function (alcohol please)

i am driving along a fine line here;
waiting for things out of my control
to really fucking object.
slamming around hard till i can hear
a murmer.. a twitch..

trying hard at something without any
direction it feels.

i'm going to start watching the tv.
this is too fucking traumatic.

whiskey!

where is my paintbrush?

I didn't know I was walking on holy ground.

Yesterday was the first day this year where I could
comfortably sit in my studio without the gas heater
on and not freeze...

so hopefully, I will start to get back into 'the swing'
I have two large paintings on the go.. both of which
just need some time to compose & settle.. and become..

I have spent the last 60 odd days taking photographs
to try and inspire and 'find' something that kicks me
into gear.. makes me look at the world from a different
angle..

It is working as well, you wouldn't believe what is all
around you, the things that you walk past everyday and
perhaps glance at it.. but with a camera you are forced
to focus on it.. observe it.. take it in..
and then you show other people who swear they have never
seen this before..

because they haven't really looked.

The Cult of Factory

Under pressure; and out of time (and mind)

I'm waiting for the world to wake up or rather
finding ways to avoid that abrupt 'start' in the
hope that when the moment arrives.. it will be
what i want..

avoidance is easy..

thinking every day, this will work.. but then by
the time i get 'the time' i have already convinced
myself why it won't.. because it didn't last time..
..did it..?

not every painting becomes a masterpiece but sometimes
the throwaway gestures become a surprising thing of beauty

and a thing of beauty is a joy forever.

Return of the lazy bastard

yeah, i am guilty of absconding my duties here,
a number of reasons, 1-4 as follows..

1. receiving rejection of work.
2. lack of motivation to carry on working.
3. receiving invitation to exhibition at gallery
that rejected my work from inclusion. (cheers)
4. trying to keep self occupied by playing with
a camera instead and avoid painting..

well, that and being a lazy bastard, i haven't even
managed to get up to the studio at all this year so
far, still need to collect my painting (and a package??)

not having transport also contributes to this factor,
well, a motorcycle isn't ideal for collecting anything
bigger than a cd.

so.. trying to get back into the painting..
that and starting the night shift tonight..

no standing in fields in the early hours for me
tonight/tomorrow..

standard stock rejection (ii)

first one this year.. i'm sure more are on there way.

each time you think your moving in the right direction
something comes along to make you doubt yourself.

i am currently thinking alot about what i do and why i
do it..

i haven't come to any successful conclusions about anything
so far..

Get your handful of remembrance

Blipfoto. One photo every day, on the day.

www.blipfoto.com/chemicalfactory

take my love

(explore)

"It's in the trees! It's coming!"

only Gulley Jimson would put up with this..

Small Victory

After receiving a parking ticket for parking my motorcycle
in a motorcycle bay at a pay & display car park and refusing
to pay it, the penalty was doubled..

I refused to pay it some more..

The penalty was doubled again and I was served a letter
instructing me I would be taken to court unless I could
provide an explanation as to why I shouldn't pay it...
(the penalty at this stage was a substantial amount of money)
_____________________________________________________________

Dear Sir,

Please can you advise me how to display a parking ticket
in a window that I do not possess.

I await your prompt response

Yours sincerely,

Mr Steven Heaton

_____________________________________________________________

Confucius does his crossword with a pen

"We are meat, we are potential carcasses"

One of me new years resolutions was to not let things pass me by and make more of an effort, regret in hindsight has always been the easier option, along with financial constraints and excuses devised around such spanner type devices.
So, with this in mind I bought myself a train ticket & exhibition ticket and made my way down to London to see the Francis Bacon show at the Tate Britain the day before it closed and would become ‘one of those things I really should have done’

I have never been to London before on my own, and never travelled so far on a train knowing that when I arrive I would have to also navigate my way through the maze of the London underground system.

I didn’t help matters that the day before my journey a ‘light aircraft’ decided to crash land onto the main railway line, bringing the overhead lines down, killing the passengers and pilot and bringing the whole rail system to a grinding halt.

I fully expected all trains to be cancelled. The train due before mine was.
My train arrived on time and took me direct to Euston London with just an added 60 minutes diversion.. Can’t complain about that.

From the station I walked down into ‘the underground’ bought a day ticket and then worked out from the multi-coloured spaghetti maps which line/stop I needed.



It was all just too easy. I arrived at Tate Britain in time to collect my pre-booked ticket (which was a God send as the queue was huge and a TV monitor was flashing up what time slots where left and this was counting down very quickly) found the cafe, got a beer & waited to be let in.

The exhibition was divided into ten rooms;

Animal, Zone, Apprehension, Crucifixion, Crisis, Archive, Portrait, Memorial, Epic and Late.

I’m not going to write a review here of every room and painting, you can find reviews all over the internet, or better still, look at the paintings also found all over the internet.

The immediate shock that hits you as soon as you step into the first room is unbelievable and is one that carries throughout the entire exhibition, his theme of ‘without God. humans are subject to the same natural urges of violence, lust and fear as any other animal’ is always very evident, from the first contorted and disfigured apes/baboons & male nudes to the agonising screams of his ‘Popes’ after Velazquez

Flesh and paint become blurred, his techniques of layering thick elephant hide paint onto the ‘wrong side’ of the canvas, a visual that until you see the actual paintings cannot be appreciated in reproductions/prints found in books.

The Crucifixion paintings are quite horrifying, bleak & brutal, again coming back to that atheist viewpoint (ironically due to the subject, but all we ever actually see being crucified are lumps of meat) it is more the gloating figures that surround the gory event that disturb.

Bacon painted these towards the end of the second world war, and it is said that people didn’t know what to expect from the upcoming possibility of ‘peace’ - Bacon knew that it would make no difference and that human kind would go on to commit horrific deeds against itself.

Archive.
My favourite room. Not because of the recent controversy caused by the finding of lists and potential subjects that he denied ever making.
He always stated his paintings where accidents and by chance, that he never made sketches, lists, etc.. well, apparently he did.

He also once described images falling into his mind like slides.. well, perhaps too many slides where falling, maybe he was struggling to remember them all..
It doesn’t really prove anything or take anything away, but I always find it fascinating to see the surroundings, the paint marks that miss the canvas, the things trodden under foot, the scribbles.. “figure like Rodin” etc..

Late.

The last room. He is in his seventies now. In this room, fittingly for me, before returning to the 'safety' of the real world, is the painting 'Blood on the Pavement' painted in 1988 (four years before his death). For somebody who put the 'figure' back into modern day painting, this painting has a suprising significance and ironically no figure, just perhaps the final mark of one. It is for me the most bleak of all, nothing at all, just a splatter of blood left on some indescript grey stone pavement, people will walk by probably not even stopping to look at it in this modern world of everyday violence.

His paintings where his life and his lived every 'chaotic/controlled' paint stroke to the full, I always imagined him in his filthy squalid studio, drinking, smoking, painting, there was no other place, no going home from the office to some comfortable & expensively decorated designer apartment to watch ‘Strictly come cooking’ on TV.

1.1.9

Don't worry, dear Pamela, I'll do my scientific best to command your fleet

I keep coming back to the painting
'Blood on the Pavement' (Bacon 1988)
It's kinda sparse and minimal in comparison
to most of his work, but this one has
something rather nihilistic? (?) about it..
(even more so than most that is..)

I recommend a good hard shot of vodka tonic,
a bag of Maltesers & 'Superstar' by Sonic Youth
on repeat whilst viewing this one.


Explore.



'Blood on the Pavement'
c.1988, oil on canvas. 198 x 147.5
Private Collection.

whatever useless things these hands have done

caught in a celluloid jam

I'm lost in wine and late night TV, the modern world..
I am currently discovering that I am in love with Fay Wray,
I haven't seen King Kong since I was 'knee high..' and am
now absolutely besotted..
..of course, Louise Brooks will always remain my true love,
but at weekends I'm now dating Fay.

In my mind.